Frag My Life!
by A'isha Ishtar
Summary: It's no secret that my OCs love their giant alien robot buddies. But, it's also no secret that said alien robots can be a little hard to live with. But hey, so can my OCs! Sometimes, they all just wanna make you say... FML! Did any of them deserve it? Or do their lives really suck?
1. Chapter 1

**OKAY OKAY. I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING. You're thinking, "Why is she starting more stories when she clearly shows a problem with finishing... ANYTHING?" My answer? ... Uh, well, actually I don't have one. I just thought this would be funny.**

**Inspired by "TFP FML" by autobot fangirl. SO CREDIT HER FOR THE IDEA REALLY I'M JUST BORROWING IT. I saw a reviewer say the fandom needs more stories like that one, so I thought "Eh. What the hell." Because I love FML.**

**This one is going to use both regular characters and my OCs. Probably mostly in Primeverse? Maybe in TFA as well a little bit. I'll alternate between them; one chapter will be my characters, one will be canon. I may switch it up at times and include both. Anyone have a guideline for about how many FMLs I should put in a chapter? For my rules stories I usually put about 5 but the FMLs are way shorter, lol.**

**So, since this first chapter is my OCs, let me introduce them to you!**

**AMITY. She's from my "Helpful Hints for Not Being Used as the Decepticons' Kickball" rulebook, which is exactly what it sounds like. She helps out with whoever needs help, is a little chubby and self-conscious, is generally a nice person, likes to pull a few pranks here and there. Her guardian is Starscream, which means that she and Dreadwing don't exactly like each other, though they can usually get along.**

**LYDIA. She is not in any of my current stories yet, but I hope to use her someday. She's a shy African-American girl, attending college, and hangs out with the Autobots and the other kids when she's not in class. She's almost 20, making her significantly older than the other humans and a little worried about where she fits in. Her guardian is Smokescreen, who's trying to get her to enjoy the fast life while she's trying to slow him down.**

**BRIDGET. She's from my story "Till the World Ends," in which she takes care of an injured Starscream somewhat against her will. Thanks to her mentor, "Doc Out," she wound up liking her patient in a case of what she calls Florence Nightingale Syndrome. Although she can be rather sadistic due to her training, and still doesn't understand some of the things Starscream does, she'd rather stick with him than without him.**

**RELAY. This femme resulted from my random girl crush on Arcee, though I have yet to use her in a story. She is Arcee's sparkmate, but they were separated during the war; they were extremely happy to see each other again, and love taking drives together. Unfortunately, their personalities don't always mesh. As Relay is a bit older, more mellow and sensitive, she has difficulty understanding Arcee's anger and often tries to reign the other femme in, with less than ideal results.**

**ALANNA. She's currently one of the stars in my story "Not As We." She mirrors her sparkmate, Knock Out, in several ways; the most obvious being vanity and overconfidence. She can also be very different, however, and they argue a lot, though she loves him with all her heart. She's the hardworking nurse to Knock Out's doctor, and will gladly serve the Decepticons till the day she dies. She finds them much better company than other humans.**

**SYDNEY. Not in any stories yet, but I have to admit even I'm interested in her past. She's the same age as Jack, she's from "down under," and her guardian is the legendary Optimus Prime. It's a perfect match, thanks to her mysterious nature. She doesn't tell anyone anything except Optimus, and she doesn't tell him everything. She does fit in fairly well though, and will do anything to protect her new friends.**

**LISA. She's a deceased side character in "Not As We," though she was a main character in my little ficlets and drabbles before that. Her red hair contrasts with her normally shy and quiet personality, though if it concerns her friends you can bet she'll speak up. She's lovesick for Breakdown, and it seems that as of this story, she hasn't told him yet. She's best friends with Alanna despite not having much in common, but she cherishes her friends and crush.**

**WOW THAT WAS LONG I'M SO SORRY ABOUT THAT. PLEASE FORGIVES ME? I hope the funny contained in the following pages will make up for it.**

**... I can't believe my author's note is longer than the chapter. I'm really sorry, it'll never happen again!**

**If anyone can think of a better title, I'd be open to suggestions. Hope you all like this!**

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**Posted by Amity: **Today, I snuck into Soundwave's control room to once again see if I could maybe give the _Nemesis_ a walking avatar. Because I'm lonely. Unfortunately, he was in there. I had no explanation, and was "air-lifted" by a couple of tentacles. Traumatizing. FML

**Posted by Lydia:** Today, I now have an outstanding ticket for speeding, thanks to my guardian. Seriously, $100 for going 85 in a 60 zone?! I make _less_ than minimum wage. It'll take me a month to pay. My guardian's reaction when I showed it to him? "That's not outstanding! That's average. Don't worry, I'll go faster next time!" FML

**Posted by Bridget:** Today, Knock Out gave me a 99% on my latest medical exam even though I got all the answers right. He says he deducted 1% because I was hungover and spelled my name wrong. And I'll have to retake the test sober. I hated it the first time! FML

**Posted by Relay:** Today, Arcee doesn't want to go for a drive. She says I'm too needy. Also, I chose a scrappy alt mode - it isn't fast enough to keep up with hers. FML

**Posted by Alanna:** Today, I had to patch up Steve's face-helmet. Accidentally used glue instead of resin. Waiting for Knock Out to get back so he can unstick us. Also, hoping this doesn't break my nail. FML

**Posted by Sydney:** Today, Mrs. Darby "got heels on" to meet my guardian. He didn't come. She was disappointed. Someone tell me she was just being funny. Please? FML

**Posted by Lisa:** Today, I'm sober. But yesterday, I got drunk and stumbled into Med Bay, where Breakdown took care of me. Which was really sweet. The problem? _I now remember everything..._ and I got sick to my stomach all over him. I'm so embarrassed. FML

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**Let's see. My opinions? Amity deserved it, Lydia's life sucks, Bridget deserved it, Relay's life sucks, Alanna deserved it, Sydney's life sucks, and Lisa's life sucks. XD**

**But what do you guys think? And also, DO YA HAVE SUGGESTIONS? 'Cause... I take those. 8D**

**Next chapter will be filled with the other characters, so get your brains to noodlin'! I'LL BE WAITING.**

**Hope you guys liked!**

**Thanks for reading! ^^**


	2. Chapter 2

**Blehhhh. I don't have much to say. I'm tired, lol.**

**For this chapter I decided to add in some comments. On the real FML site, if you roll over the FML's number, it brings you 5 random comments for that post. So I decided to show the top 5 comments for each FML. I guess I'll be doing that from now on, they're funny to write. Hehehe.**

**Introducing a few other OC's I suppose, so here we go...**

**REBECCA. My friend suggested I give Ratchet a human to be a guardian to, so here she is in her world premiere! XD She's a bit crazy, and likes to play pranks. If she pulls a prank on Ratchet, look out. But if they're paired together pulling pranks, oh boy, you better watch out. I think they'd be a good team. Of course, since Ratchet's not exactly super fond of humans, their first couple of weeks together are a bit rocky...**

**TRINITY. A human engineer aboard the ****_Nemesis,_**** her best friend and crush is Dreadwing. She's a hard worker, and her style is best described as "steam punk." She finds Cybertronians fascinating, and thinks Dreadwing is the nicest person ever, who doesn't deserve the hand he's been dealt in life. Still, she supports him, and would do anything if he asked her to do it - so it's a good thing he's a sweet, honorable mech.**

**LEDA. Trinity's younger sister. She fell hard and fast for the zombie-fied Skyquake, and would have happily followed him into the Shadowzone if someone *cough her sister cough* hadn't saved their asses at the last minute and found a lucky way to bring Skyquake's spark back. She doesn't have the best mood in the world, and is VERY sour towards Starscream, but she knows who her loyalties are with: Trinity, Dreadwing, Skyquake, and Megatron.**

**Also, Soundwave... Pfffffft. Trolling his comrades' FMLs. What a guy, amirite?**

**Just to be clear, for the comments, I'll explain the abbreviations real quick. FYL = fuck/frag your life, and YDI = you deserved it. 8D**

**Coming up next time, a mix of OC's and canon, G-1 style!**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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**Posted by Optimus:** Today, I wanted to take Sydney to a drive-in movie. She said that Rafael and Bumblebee were already going to one, and Mrs. Esquivel wanted her to go along with them to keep an eye on Rafael. Trying to pretend it doesn't bother me. But I'm bored, and the only other person around is Ratchet. FML

_Top Comments_

**Ratchet:** What's so bad about that?! YDI!

**Arcee:** FYL, that sucks. ;P

**Sydney:** Sorry Optimus! I didn't want to say no to Raf's mom. :( FYL is right I guess, lol.

**Relay:** Pfft. FYL... I swear I'm not secretly laughing, sir! XD

**Megatron:** Serves you right for hanging out with inadequate humans! Haha. YDI.

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**Posted by Ratchet:** Today, it was decided that I was going to be the guardian to a girl named Rebecca. Fine, I'd deal with it somehow. I had to repair the space bridge controls, and I thought I was very clear about the phrase "Don't touch anything." Instead, she broke _everything._ Her response? "It was an accident! I'm sorry!" It was an accident all 23 times? I think she just wants me to pay attention to her. FML

_Top Comments_

**Rebecca:** At least I said sorry! YDI for not even wanting me in the first place. :'(

**Arcee:** I'm sorry she broke your stuff, but seriously, did you even give her a chance? FYL, but YDI.

**Miko:** It WAS an accident all 23 times! Have you MET her? She can't walk without tripping over her own feet. YDI.

**Optimus:** Give her a little time to adjust. Miko says she has trust issues.

**Starscream:** Haha ur charge sucks. Mine is awesome. YDI, Autoloser!

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**Posted by Smokescreen:** Today, I went for a drive with Lydia. She screamed almost the entire time. When I finally stopped and asked what the Pit was wrong, she reached for the door and said, "Let me out, I'm gonna be sick." She didn't quite make it outside to do so. FML

_Top Comments_

**Lydia: **YDI! You were going way over the speed limit, you butt. :-s

**Optimus:** What have I told you about adhering to the humans' laws? YDI. I expect better of you.

**Ratchet:** Slag it, Smokescreen! Bring her to me when you get back... YDI.

**Relay: **Hehehe, good job, rookie. Follow the rules and maybe that wouldn't happen! YDI~

**Knock Out:** Mm mm mm, such bad luck. That's why I rarely let humans into my interior. FYL, but YDI

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**Posted by Starscream:** Today, I thought I would surprise Bridget by finally finding her that new wrench she wanted. I even coated it in fake blood - you know, as a joke. I walked into the room and handed it to her, saying it was a present "just because." She promptly threw it at my head and screamed for me to "get the hell out, you asshole!" Now I have to go to Knock Out and get this dent buffed out. Last time I try to be nice. FML

_Top Comments_

**Bridget:** Valentine's Day was a WEEK ago, you asshole. YDI, 'Bot fragger!

**Amity:** *snrk* I shouldn't be laughing. I mean, ouch. FYL, Screamer! I'm sure she'll forgive you for whatever you did... eventually.

**Megatron:** This is what you get for not treating your sparkmate properly. Lol.

**Soundwave:** |-) YDI.

**Smokescreen:** Lol, that's what you call being nice? YDI, micro-moron!

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**Posted by Breakdown:** Today, I got into another fight with that stupid Wrecker. During which my hammer got a little... damaged. Okay, fine, it was nearly ripped off. While Lisa was fussing and trying to repair it, she made various puns about "Hammer Time." Mostly I just ignored her. Once she was done though, she kissed my cheek, jumped down, and started doing the dance that went along with it. It's impossible to ignore. FML

_Top Comments_

**Lisa:** Hehehe, sorry, Breaky! I thought it would be funny. -^^-

**Knock Out:** Ohhh, lighten up, Breakdown~ YDI, she just wanted you to smile. :)

**Amity:** C'mon, that dance is hilarious! You did it with me once, remember? 8D

**Soundwave:** |-) FYL.

**Bulkhead:** Oh, _I'm_ stupid, huh? Meanwhile your sparkmate is acting like an airhead. Have fun with that.

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**Posted by Dreadwing:** Today, I went to the engine room to tell Trinity that Lord Megatron requested an audience with her. She was busy trying to repair a part of the engine, which was about as big as she was. It looked like she was trying to pick it up and drag it somewhere. All I did was tap her shoulder. She turned around, screamed, and dropped said part on my foot. I've got to stop touching her while her back is to me. FML

_Top Comments_

**Trinity:** Awww... sorry about that Dreadwing. ^-^' I guess that's what I get for watching late night horror movies. FYL, hope you didn't have to go to Med Bay for that hon!

**Leda:** I'm sure she didn't do it on purpose! She's always a little jumpy. Still, FYL.

**Skyquake:** Oh, you're fine. And I agree, you should probably stop doing that, lol. YDI.

**Soundwave:** |-) FYL.

**Optimus:** I'm sure she's sincerely sorry... FYL. You two should come join us...

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**Alrighty! Who deserved it and who's life really does suck? My votes: Optimus's life sucks, Ratchet deserved it but his life still sucks, Smokescreen deserved it, Starscream's life sucks, Breakdown's life sucks, and Dreadwing's life sucks. X'D All the Decepticons' lives suck.**

**Smokey: Well, what do you expect? They're Decepticons~**

**Me: And what are you? An afthole?**

**Bye guys, have a beautiful time! XDD**

**Thanks for reading! ^^**


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